Before our baby girl was born, my husband commented that she will be the priority - and it was actually me who reminded him that we also need to prioritize our marriage, because otherwise it all falls apart! Now that she's here, I can tell he feels neglected sometimes but so do I! When I was working, he'd get home by 4, while I'd get home (with her) by around 630-645pm. She'd be hungry, tired, and cranky from a bad day at daycare (hence the reason I now stay at home), so I'd be busy with her and not be able to cook dinner. Would he offer or just do it? NOPE! 9pm would roll around and either I'd try to whip something up real fast or we just wouldn't eat. Frustrating. Then again, I was up making dinner (most of which I couldn't eat due to after pregnancy food aversions) two days after returning home from the hospital.
Now that I'm at home, I make a point to do EVERYTHING! The only thing I don't do is mow the grass because our ginormous lawnmower intimidates me. I wake up when he gets out of the shower in the morning (otherwise I'd be bumping into him/using his hot water), do housework, side work, baby care, etc. and then will make sure to make dinner, etc etc; if thye baby is still awake, I wait until he comes to bed to watch her to take a shower. Usually she's still awake when I get out and he's fast asleep, so I get her to sleep and eventually go to sleep myself.
I'm exhausted. But I was more exhausted when I was working full time too.
Whew. Okay, I guess I needed to rant. But my point of this is: Both spouses will feel neglected until a routine is made. I'm exhausted right now but since he's trying to work a little extra so I can stay home with baby girl, I feel like it is my duty to pull extra household weight (plus it's almost everything I was doing while working too) and make sure everyone is happy.
If you look at articles from the 40s-50s, they are all about a woman's obligations to her husband. To a point, i actually do agree with them. If your husband is working his butt off to provide for the family, then you need to work your butt off to provide within the house.
However, that does not mean both spouses should be taking advantage of one another. Husbands often do not understand the extreme baby aspect; my husband certainly doesn't. But I also don't understand how he thinks putting a pacifier in baby girl's mouth when she hasn't finished her nighttime bottle is right.
Everyone is different, and every relationship is different, but communication is always the key. When my husband makes a snide comment about how long something takes me, i ask him how he would do it. try it his way, and figure out the best way to compromise.
*Suggestion for hot breakfast: try making stuff ahead of time - like a casserole or microwaveable sandwiches - that you can just heat up in the morning!