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Stepmoms with stepchildren

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user7 posted this 21 May 2019

Any stepmoms out there have any words of wisdom for a future stepmom? Would love to hear about the pros and cons of parenting stepchildren. What you wish you'd known going in to the situation. And, perhaps things you would have done differently. 

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Allison posted this 21 May 2019

Being a step mom is very hard. I have two step-children and I've been in their lives since the ages of two and four. Their mother and I don't get along very well. She's very selfish and manipulative. She manipulates the kids and you can tell. They are really difficult and have multiple behavioral issues. I can't really do very much when they misbehave because their mom questions them when they get home and will start long drawn out arguments with their dad if I punish their kids, i.e. timeouts, groundings, etc. 

I honestly don't think that I would've went into the relationship if I had known then what now know. My case is a little extreme though, so hopefully there will be some more uplifting posts on here.

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Patricia posted this 22 May 2019

Following for more stories on how people feel about being a step mom. I remember dating a guy who decided not to take things further with me because I was a single parent at the time. My ex was not in the picture at all, but he mentioned that his father said that being a step parent might be difficult. I was so angered when I heard that. Personally, if I love the person and they love me, then that is what should matter most. The kids will eventually get older and live a life and understand why things happened the way they did.

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user9 posted this 23 May 2019

Parenthood is hard, and being a stepmom is extra hard! I think a lot of people go in with this romanticized view of a perfect family, but it is not like that. Just understand that it is OK not to love or like the children right away. Just because you fell in love with the dad, it doesn't mean that you will automatically fall in love with the children. Like all relationships, it will be a relationship that you have to WORK at. 

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Jennifer posted this 23 May 2019

I really agree with this!  Even if you don't feel love toward them immediately (and that's okay!), choosing to care about them and put in the work will go a long way.  It's hard, but there are also so many wonderful stepfamilies with an amazing bond. 


Parenthood is hard, and being a stepmom is extra hard! I think a lot of people go in with this romanticized view of a perfect family, but it is not like that. Just understand that it is OK not to love or like the children right away. Just because you fell in love with the dad, it doesn't mean that you will automatically fall in love with the children. Like all relationships, it will be a relationship that you have to WORK at. 

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user3 posted this 01 June 2019

I am not a stepmom, but my brother's family is a bit of a blended family. The best advice I can give is to avoid disciplining the children for at least a year. That is going to be the best way to really work on your relationship with the kids first. You don't want them to start off resenting you for coming in and changing their way of life. Just kind of exist, let dad be in control, and you work on being their friend first. Then, you can work on being mom #2!

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user7 posted this 04 June 2019

Thanks for all the advice, ladies! I truly appreciate it, and it helps to hear different point of views!

Becky posted this 20 September 2019

Some people have great fortune with their step mom/ bonus mom type relationships.

My stepmom didn't care for me that much. We just had a poor emotional connection.

She was super strict but caved in more with her own biological children.

She gave me the basics ( not the emotional side so much) but she helped me succeed in life.

She was stable and well focused. 

It wasn't perfect but I've seen some biological parents who were also just a mess and disconnected too. We are all human.

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Jenn posted this 23 September 2019

Just know it takes time, and if you feel overwhelmed, it's normal.  It will take effort on your side to develop a good relationship.  But that is true of all relationships. 

Sucre posted this 23 September 2019

I know people who are so blessed with their step parent and they always had a great bond with them. I doubt that this story is that common but there is always the possibility. My Step Mom and I didn't have much of a strong bond, not obvious discord but definitely not a strong bond. I was the step child who just got on her royal nerves and I still remember this as an adult. On the other hand though her remarriage to my Dad was the best thing that could have happened to me in life because my younger (half-siblings) are like my best friends to this day despite the 9+ year age difference.

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