loading..

SIL from hell (

  • 162 Views
  • Last Post 27 February 2020
  • 0
  • 0
  • 0
  • 0
Dorissa posted this 04 June 2019

Hello

I don't know how relevant this is to this category, but just looking to vent! My sister in law is CONSTANTLY commenting on pretty much everything we do with our child. She still sees my husband as her "baby brother" and feels as though she has to hover over us--especially since she already as a kid ( 5yo). So basically thinks she's a pro.  

I've managed to let some of her comments roll over my shoulders. I live in NYC and her in Boston, so we do not see each other often. Her family takes yearly family vacations, shes constantly making comments that we should be doing the same. That we are doing a disservice to our daughter and how it's important for our family. Living in NYC is EXPENSIVE!! Our financial goal is on saving and buying a house within the next 2 years or so. 

She's constantly making comments that we are cheap, live in a crappy neighborhood, and makes sly comments that we can do more for our daughter. My husband has learned to ignore her, but I really just want to smack her. I'm going to lose it. I'm a stay at home and I do A LOT for my daughter. She just turned two and honestly, it's not the greatest idea to go to freakin Jamaica when our daughter won't remember a thing. 

We'll be heading there next weekend and one more comment and I'll lose it, any advice on maintaining sane and telling her to basically STFU. Thanks. 

Order By: Standard | Newest | Votes
Zufina posted this 27 February 2020

Thank you for this!! I can definitely benefit from something like this. When I set boundaries things get ugly really fast. So if this helps me set healthy boundaries in a peaceful manner, that's exactly what I need.

YESS! Read it! 

So there's this fabulous book... it's called "Boundaries" by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. Seriously - I have had major family issues (to the point where I had to stop communicating with my dad, and because of that, all 3 of my siblings refuse to talk with me), and this book helped me SO. MUCH. It basically outlines what good boundaries are and how to stick with them - amazing how freeing that can be when you've lived as a door mat for most of your life. You don't have to!!!

Zufina posted this 27 February 2020

I would tell her to STFU! Unless she wants to kick in some $$ to help you guys purchase a home or pay for your vacation,  she needs to disappear. Thank God I have a silent BIL, but my MIL is a motor mouth New Yorker that drives me crazy! But while babysitting she wouldn't even change my daughter's diaper or feed her. Just stupid!! Needless to say,  she wont be babysitting anymore. 

Laquisha posted this 27 February 2020

Tell her the truth. Exactly how you feel point-blank and why it is affecting your relationship. Honesty is the best policy as it will give you peace. Don't play the games!

Sandra posted this 26 February 2020

OMG I feel you. My SIL is an obnoxious loudmouth with 2 older kids of her own so of course she fancies herself an expert. But they are total brats and I'm worried about my daughter growing up watching their terrible behavior!! The most annoying thing she does is ask when the last time I changed her diaper was as if to say I don't do it often enough (which I do, thank you very much). I don't have any good advice other than ignore the commentary and do your thing. I'm sure you're a great mom making it work in NYC so never mind what she thinks.

Jamie posted this 30 January 2020

My MIL is an absolute monster to deal with so I understand your struggle. Get back at her by just being happy and not responding to any of her bullsh!t. If she texts you, block her, if she messages you on fb or constantly comments, delete all but positive only ones. Shell get the hint and you can play dumb, keeping peace while letting another woman know, passive aggressively, she ain't shit. (: Ask your hubs to not report anything she says to you anymore as it bothers you and stressing out the whole family system. You maybe have to deal with her in person sometimes, but if it's long distance you can avoid her like an old abusive parent. 

Carmen posted this 29 January 2020

Remember at the end of the day you can only control yourself/actions and cannot control hers...

I totallty get how SIL relationship can be tough in the dynamic. I have one that is opinionated and judgemental as well, honestly I just keep her at a distance and I know it's hard to not take things personally, but just know that you/your husband are doing what is best for your own family. Unless you SIL is going to pay for lavish trips or a place in NYC then she needs to bud out. 

At least you are able to have some space and not dealing all the time. But maybe have your husband try and help buffer it since clearly it's not a healthy environment for you personally. Stay strong and carry on Mama. A toddler and staying at home is already a hard gig and know that you are doing your best.

Penelope posted this 26 January 2020

Maybe have your husband handle her. My husband handles his side, I handle my side (although sometimes I ask my husband to handle my side too because my side is toooo muccchhh and picks on me constantly, and he does. He's my knight.)

  • Liked by
  • Zufina
Sandra posted this 28 August 2019

IN laws are always hard. I think at some point your husband needs to advocate for you and your child. Perhaps she doesn't even know she is doing it.

  • Liked by
  • Zufina
Jessica posted this 24 August 2019

YESS! Read it! 

So there's this fabulous book... it's called "Boundaries" by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. Seriously - I have had major family issues (to the point where I had to stop communicating with my dad, and because of that, all 3 of my siblings refuse to talk with me), and this book helped me SO. MUCH. It basically outlines what good boundaries are and how to stick with them - amazing how freeing that can be when you've lived as a door mat for most of your life. You don't have to!!!

  • Liked by
  • Laquisha
Kassie posted this 23 August 2019

I would kill her with kindness in the meantime, but definitely I would ask your husband to stand up for you.  He shouldn't let his sister make you feel this way.  And if push comes to shove, tell her in a kind way that she is really hurting your feelings. It might get awkward, because confrontation is never pretty... but at least it will be out there. You might gain a better friend in the long run if you can tell her what's on your heart rather than keep it bottled up inside until you spaz out at her.  That won't be good for anyone.

Betty posted this 19 August 2019

I am dealing with this in a more subtle way from my friend who had her baby about a year ago. She thinks that she is the greatest mother in the world (good for her, not for me) and that I will need her assistance for everything. She has basically forced herself into my home and into my way since I've been home from the hospital. It's hard trying to figure out mine and my son's relationship when she is right there trying to do what she thinks I ought to. If she was actually a help, it wouldn't be a big deal. She just gets into everything and yells at her toddler when shes just playing without being any type of helpful. I will be extremely grateful once she gets bored and leaves. I can only hope that it will be soon and not when I return to my house sitting job in 3 weeks.

Frankie posted this 18 August 2019

Yuck. Sorry you're dealing with such a nightmare scenario. Don't be afraid to tell her that her opinion is none of your business.

Tina posted this 08 August 2019

Yikes! My sister has a horrible SIL too. She's rude and looks down on my sister and her hubby's lifestyle. She can't mind her own business and loves to gossip. I can't stand her so I don't really go around them when she's there. I don't have any SIL's myself but just from my sister's experience, I feel for you. I hope your hubby can help get that situation fixed!

Janelle posted this 31 July 2019

Your husband needs to man up! Her comments are rude and inappropriate and it's up to HIM to deal with HIS sister! Just because he can ignore it doesn't mean it's ok for her to continue. 

Heather posted this 31 July 2019

Comments people make can be very annoying but they aren’t you and they don’t know your life! Do your best to not let these comments get to you. I would talk to your husband and have him talk to her since he is her brother. Just explain to him that her comments make you feel belittled and hopefully he will understand. 

Mona posted this 20 July 2019

It's always so tough having difficult in laws, my MIL makes me insane for some of the same reasons. I wish I had better advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

June posted this 20 July 2019

Honestly, my "best friend" that had her baby 6 months before me did this to me all the time. She thought she was the mom expert and was constantly telling me I was wrong about everything while I was pregnant. She went off on me and told me I was selfish for being induced when I went past 40 weeks. I blocked her before I even had my baby because I couldn't take her putting me down and belittling me anymore. Shes never seen my kid, and sometimes it makes me sad. I haven't talked to her since the day I blocked her. I feel a lot less crappy about myself without someone down my throat about every decision I make though.

Frannie posted this 20 July 2019

There is apparently always going to be that one person who assumes that they know more than you about caring for your own child. I understand your husband letting it roll off his shoulders, this is his family and while it may seem frustrating at times, the sister may be overly sensitive and he might not want to burn that bridge. I deal with my family straight away when there are issues and I don't hold back when it comes to his family either and he is okay with that. It is our child and whatever we decide is best for them is the final decision and I will stick up for that against any family member. We're saving for a house as well and neither of us has the highest income, our focus is making sure the baby has everything he needs and not taking him on a fancy trip that is more for us than for him to begin with.

Celeste posted this 16 July 2019

I cant stand family members that don't know their boundaries. Its sometimes my family too. I don't usually pay much attention to these family members. I try to keep my distance from them and if they have something negative to say or advice I don't agree with, I usually tell them in a nice way that I don't care lol. I try not to hold my tongue since it just builds up resentment. And if someone is being rude, I usually give my boyfriend a look, and he says something. So I guess you and your husband should establish some kind of understanding.

Destiny posted this 10 July 2019

Im sorry, I really just had to rant because RELATABLE!!! She really does need to learn what boundaries are.

Show More Posts
Close