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SIL from hell (

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Dorissa posted this 04 June 2019

Hello

I don't know how relevant this is to this category, but just looking to vent! My sister in law is CONSTANTLY commenting on pretty much everything we do with our child. She still sees my husband as her "baby brother" and feels as though she has to hover over us--especially since she already as a kid ( 5yo). So basically thinks she's a pro.  

I've managed to let some of her comments roll over my shoulders. I live in NYC and her in Boston, so we do not see each other often. Her family takes yearly family vacations, shes constantly making comments that we should be doing the same. That we are doing a disservice to our daughter and how it's important for our family. Living in NYC is EXPENSIVE!! Our financial goal is on saving and buying a house within the next 2 years or so. 

She's constantly making comments that we are cheap, live in a crappy neighborhood, and makes sly comments that we can do more for our daughter. My husband has learned to ignore her, but I really just want to smack her. I'm going to lose it. I'm a stay at home and I do A LOT for my daughter. She just turned two and honestly, it's not the greatest idea to go to freakin Jamaica when our daughter won't remember a thing. 

We'll be heading there next weekend and one more comment and I'll lose it, any advice on maintaining sane and telling her to basically STFU. Thanks. 

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user7 posted this 04 June 2019

OMG! I am sorry that you are going through this. It sounds dreadful! 😞 It sounds like you and your husband should sit down and come up with a plan to address her in the most gentle way possible. Whatever you do, please refrain from blowing up on her! I know it will be hard--I don't blame you! If you do, she will only label you as crazy or hormonal.

lucy posted this 04 June 2019

I'm sorry, that's obnoxious. If traveling is important to her and her family then they can go ahead and do that, and more power to them, but that doesn't mean that anyone else needs to do the same. You are doing what is best for your family based on your particular situation and priorities. It sounds like you and your husband need to strategize together before this trip about how you're going to handle his sister. It's great that he can let these things roll right off of him, but she is being rude and he needs to have your back. Hopefully, if you have a plan going in you won't lose it and get into a big fight, which could be really awkward. Good luck!

Carla posted this 04 June 2019

Sounds like your husband needs to say something! My SIL is horrible too. She blows up regularly, like hitting my husband and screeching at him because he said something she didn't like, and is a total childish train wreck. 

Your SIL sounds like a total jerk, but she's honestly probably insecure. Secure, happy people don't make a sport of criticizing others. Ask your husband to shut her down if the comments are really bothering you. In the meantime, hold your head high and enjoy your little lady!

Abby posted this 07 June 2019

She sounds like a very negative influence! I agree that your husband needs to have your back. Honestly, I'd minimize your contact with her as much as possible.  No need to waste time on toxic people, even if they are family.  Life's too short and it's just not worth it! Hang in there!

Ashley posted this 07 June 2019

Sorry you are dealing with this. Can your husband try to talk to her about this?

Jennier posted this 16 June 2019

Hi, are we the same person? because this is exactly the kind of BS my SIL would pull. We don't have a kid yet (newly pregnant) but I'm sure she'll be even more obnoxious when baby is born. I told my husband when we first got married that he needed to have my back when we spend time with her, or we won't be spending time with her. It bothers him too, but he never would have said anything unless I made him. She used to comment on our tiny apartment, my clothes, my job, all kinds of things. Once my husband started saying that he didn't appreciate it, she sort of backed down. She's still not pleasant, but it helped somewhat. I think the solution really needs to come from your husband, with you pushing him in the right direction.

Sasha posted this 20 June 2019

Girl!! Your husband needs to GET IT TOGETHER and speak up this is ridiculous. Maybe he's trying to avoid conflict? So it maybe helpful to role play some ways we advert these kinds of things, yikes! So sorry you are going through this! 

Piper posted this 05 July 2019

Agree with this. Usually critical people have their own issues going on with themselves. Kill her with kindness.  

Sounds like your husband needs to say something! My SIL is horrible too. She blows up regularly, like hitting my husband and screeching at him because he said something she didn't like, and is a total childish train wreck. 

Your SIL sounds like a total jerk, but she's honestly probably insecure. Secure, happy people don't make a sport of criticizing others. Ask your husband to shut her down if the comments are really bothering you. In the meantime, hold your head high and enjoy your little lady!

Adrianna posted this 06 July 2019

So there's this fabulous book... it's called "Boundaries" by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. Seriously - I have had major family issues (to the point where I had to stop communicating with my dad, and because of that, all 3 of my siblings refuse to talk with me), and this book helped me SO. MUCH. It basically outlines what good boundaries are and how to stick with them - amazing how freeing that can be when you've lived as a door mat for most of your life. You don't have to!!!

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Anna posted this 10 July 2019

This is so interesting because usually it's the MIL that is the issue, but I guess it depends on those relationships. 

Destiny posted this 10 July 2019

I agree with this 100% and I agree with everyone else too. Im a young mother and my boyfriend is 7 months younger than I am, so hes still very childish. He grew up with his aunts and uncles due to parenting issues, so his aunt is like his mom. She is THE WORST. Ive been with my boyfriend for 21/2 years now, and through the years, his aunt and I have been at eachothers throats multiple times. He used to not say anything so id blow up in her face. Yes its childish but I fell like if we're together, you should have my back. And don't even get me started on his cousin. They've lived together for 3 years and shes all "that's my brother". I get that they once had a close relationship, but I cant stand when she tries to spend time with him without me. We have a kid together, so the last thing he should be worried about is going to starbucks with her. And the last thing she should be worried about is pulling her COUSIN away from his family.

Sounds like your husband needs to say something! My SIL is horrible too. She blows up regularly, like hitting my husband and screeching at him because he said something she didn't like, and is a total childish train wreck. 

Your SIL sounds like a total jerk, but she's honestly probably insecure. Secure, happy people don't make a sport of criticizing others. Ask your husband to shut her down if the comments are really bothering you. In the meantime, hold your head high and enjoy your little lady!

Destiny posted this 10 July 2019

Im sorry, I really just had to rant because RELATABLE!!! She really does need to learn what boundaries are.

Celeste posted this 16 July 2019

I cant stand family members that don't know their boundaries. Its sometimes my family too. I don't usually pay much attention to these family members. I try to keep my distance from them and if they have something negative to say or advice I don't agree with, I usually tell them in a nice way that I don't care lol. I try not to hold my tongue since it just builds up resentment. And if someone is being rude, I usually give my boyfriend a look, and he says something. So I guess you and your husband should establish some kind of understanding.

Frannie posted this 20 July 2019

There is apparently always going to be that one person who assumes that they know more than you about caring for your own child. I understand your husband letting it roll off his shoulders, this is his family and while it may seem frustrating at times, the sister may be overly sensitive and he might not want to burn that bridge. I deal with my family straight away when there are issues and I don't hold back when it comes to his family either and he is okay with that. It is our child and whatever we decide is best for them is the final decision and I will stick up for that against any family member. We're saving for a house as well and neither of us has the highest income, our focus is making sure the baby has everything he needs and not taking him on a fancy trip that is more for us than for him to begin with.

June posted this 20 July 2019

Honestly, my "best friend" that had her baby 6 months before me did this to me all the time. She thought she was the mom expert and was constantly telling me I was wrong about everything while I was pregnant. She went off on me and told me I was selfish for being induced when I went past 40 weeks. I blocked her before I even had my baby because I couldn't take her putting me down and belittling me anymore. Shes never seen my kid, and sometimes it makes me sad. I haven't talked to her since the day I blocked her. I feel a lot less crappy about myself without someone down my throat about every decision I make though.

Mona posted this 20 July 2019

It's always so tough having difficult in laws, my MIL makes me insane for some of the same reasons. I wish I had better advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Heather posted this 4 weeks ago

Comments people make can be very annoying but they aren’t you and they don’t know your life! Do your best to not let these comments get to you. I would talk to your husband and have him talk to her since he is her brother. Just explain to him that her comments make you feel belittled and hopefully he will understand. 

Janelle posted this 4 weeks ago

Your husband needs to man up! Her comments are rude and inappropriate and it's up to HIM to deal with HIS sister! Just because he can ignore it doesn't mean it's ok for her to continue. 

Tina posted this 3 weeks ago

Yikes! My sister has a horrible SIL too. She's rude and looks down on my sister and her hubby's lifestyle. She can't mind her own business and loves to gossip. I can't stand her so I don't really go around them when she's there. I don't have any SIL's myself but just from my sister's experience, I feel for you. I hope your hubby can help get that situation fixed!

Frankie posted this 1 week ago

Yuck. Sorry you're dealing with such a nightmare scenario. Don't be afraid to tell her that her opinion is none of your business.

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