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My First Miscarriage

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  • Last Post 31 March 2020
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Lori posted this 06 February 2019

I'm struggling lately because I recently had my first miscarriage at the end of January. Thankfully we hadn't announced because we were waiting until we hit 12 weeks. For those of you who have experience dealing with life after miscarriage, how did you motivate yourself to do anything? All I want to do is lay in bed all day, everyday. 

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Krystal posted this 06 February 2019

Lori, I just saw this comment after commenting on your other discussion.  I am so sorry.  I know that nothing anyone says will make you feel better (at least that is the way that I felt).  I seriously stayed in bed for a full 24 hours after my first miscarriage.  It was so hard to go out and see others with their babies and not feel jealous and immediately start  crying.  Give yourself some time to heal.  I won't lie to you and tell you that it gets easier, because when I was in your shoes that is exactly how I felt.  I spent several months just going through the motions.  I started a new workout routine to get my mind and body back into some kind of schedule and to get myself up and moving around.  I already had a step-son so I had no choice but to push forward as if nothing happened.  If you work, that can be a good distraction, but whatever you choose to do to take your mind off of your pain, make sure that you are staying healthy and trying to be positive.  There are so many of us that have experienced this terrible loss.  Try putting on some of your favorite music and pick a room to clean, or watch a movie that you really love.  Lean on your support system and if you don't feel like you want to talk to any of them, Ill be in the group and you can talk to me and I'll respond whenever Im online.  

Olivia posted this 06 February 2019

Had a friend that's been through this. Then she used to come over and we'd talk. Visit with friends so they can help you get over it and move on, that's what they're there for

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Megan posted this 06 February 2019

I am so sorry for your loss Lori. You don't "get over it and move on." You learn to cope and give yourself permission to be sad. Have a special piece of jewelry or something made for that baby's date...the day you lost him/her or the day he/she would have been born. Sadness comes in waves and its perfectly ok. Eventually, the waves will lessen. My husband was my rock through my miscarriage. Don't be afraid to talk about it whenever you need to!

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Emily posted this 07 February 2019

I'm sorry about your loss. Go easy on yourself. Take your time to grieve. When I had mine, I really beat myself up because I only six weeks in when we miscarried. Had to get over the excitement and the dream that came with the pregnancy. Music is good therapy, helped. What also helped was registering in a gym. It gets you busy and with time, you'd gradually get over it

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Cinthia posted this 03 May 2019

It is so nice you did not announce. Honestly, take time for yourself. You deserve it. When you feel ready to pick yourself up, you do it. Talk to those people who you only want to, not everyone asking how you are doing. 

Tracey posted this 06 May 2019

It was so hard! And people honestly usually don't know the right things to say. Try to preoccupy yourself with other things, lean on your loved ones for support and participate in things you usually enjoy. I don't think you every "get over it" but it does become easier with time. 

Lydia posted this 06 May 2019

I am so sorry. I think one of the mistakes I made was not letting myself properly grieve, which made it impossible to really take care of myself. It's ok to not be ok. I think many times pregnancy loss is something society sort of glosses over, but thankfully it seems to really be getting more widely talked about. 


It's not easy for many people, women or men. I think if you can find someone who you do feel comfortable sharing with, that could help. I have a very tightknit group of loss mommas, and we've all been a group for about 9 years now, and I honestly don't know what I would have done without those ladies. They're the ones I could actually talk about being pregnant with before I wanted to announce publicly. They were the ones I would go to when another friend posted their positive pregnancy test while the pee was still wet and it just served as a reminder to me that my body wasn't doing what it was supposed to. 


Be prepared for certain milestones to be really hard. My due date was rough, and even 9 years later, I always think about my munchkin I never got to know on March 5th. 

One thing I found helped was the ability to take a mini-vacation. We packed up and went and stayed with my sister and bro-in-law and just hung by the pool, went out on the boat, and I didn't have to try to keep up pretenses at work. Do what you need to take care of yourself. If that means sitting in a warm shower on the floor crying, that's ok. If that's eating an entire tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream, splurge for the good stuff. You're allowed to grieve.

Check around your local community and see if there's a support group or organization if you feel like you need someone professionally trained to talk to. Just know you aren't alone, and I'm sure there are many ladies on these forums who are more than willing and able to be there for you. Sometimes it's easier to open up to internet strangers than the people we know in real life.

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Beth posted this 08 July 2019

I am sorry for your loss. Like all grief, it just takes time in order to start to feel "normal" again. Miscarriage is a lot more common than one would expect. There is nothing wrong with being sad. Keep the lines of communication open with your partner. I hope that you can remember to love yourself through the pain.

Misty posted this 25 August 2019

Let yourself be sad for now, but you will reach a point when you do need to push through the pain/guilt and live your life again.  Just because you are pushing through does not mean that you grieved for that little one. 

It will get a little easier with time .... and then it will hurt like heck again.... and then get better. Grief is different for everyone, of course.  

It took me several months of being seriously cranky with everyone around me... but that is because I refused to talk about it, which I do not advise.  Talk about it with people that will listen, really listen. If you don't have anyone that will really hear you out, then I would advise to write about it to get those feelings out.  It will get better. Just try to take care of yourself and get some rest.

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Jessica posted this 25 February 2020

I know how you feel, and SOOOO many women do. It's devastating. Just know that miscarriage is common and doesn't mean you won't have a successful pregnancy! It happened to me too but I now have a healthy, beautiful baby. Hang in there, allow yourself to feel what you feel, but don't give up hope. 

Elysa posted this 27 February 2020

I've had 2 miscarriages and almost died with my 1st one. I know exactly how you feel, but know that everything happens for a reason. I don't know about your spiritual beliefs, but I say that God had other plans for my 2 little Angels and he blessed me with a 3rd opportunity to have a beautiful,  healthy baby boy. Don't blame yourself!! This is something I struggled with, trying to figure out if I did anything wrong,  but that's not it. God has His own plan for our lives and He will bless you with that sweet little spirit again just like he did for me. 

Pamper yourself with a spa day and take the time you need to grieve. Staying busy is what helped me, but everyone is different. 

Sending hugs and prayers your way. You will get through this ❤🙏🤗

Johnny posted this 12 March 2020

Lori, I hope everything gets better for you. I was at risk of a miscarriage but thankfully God allowed me to keep my baby. 

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